Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
