Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
