I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
