First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize