One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
