there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
