Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
