There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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