my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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