there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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