thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
