ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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