I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
