Kiss
Puke
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
