omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
