I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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