my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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