Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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