Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MIDGETS
????
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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