Me too!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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