remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
