So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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