if i died would you start the facebook group?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
