I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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