My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
