I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
