i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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