last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
