i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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