I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
