Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
