She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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