We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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