Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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