if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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