this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
