remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A+ Viking dick
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