At least make sure they are 18
Why
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
