She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize