Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
