I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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