I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
