I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
