It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
