can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
