Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
