how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize