I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
