so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
