well I can't set my house on fire every night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
