I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
