just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
