I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
zippers are such a cool invention
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
