she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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