All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
