At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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