dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
