You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize