new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
