Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
