and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
