Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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