But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
