My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
